I know this too shall pass. Depressions have come and gone for her over and over in the past three years, but each one is like a fresh slice with the worlds sword. It sits shining in the corner, edge gleaming like it has been freshly sharpened and is waiting for the perfect opportunity to strike. And I am powerless against it. I want to whack it against a boulder a thousand times until I fall exhausted against the boulder with the dull sword chiming with each bounce off the floor beside me, never to be sharpened again. Alas there it sits shining and untouchable.
This week has been difficult for my partner, thus difficult for me. I want for my soft words and gentle caresses to sooth the pain I know I cant touch. I want my words to mean so much and make so much sence in my partners bipolar mind, that the depression would just fall aside, the usless blob of bull shit that it is. I want so badly to be able to make her well, to just hand to her in a beautifully gift wrapped package, confidance, happiness, clairity, stability and a life full of wonder. I am restricted to gentle words, caresses and all the love and patience that I have in my heart. I will pour my love relentlessly over her depression until enough drips through to bring a smile to her face and hope to her heart. Until then I shower my love with all my heart has to offer.
2 comments:
Your love for her is beautiful!
I have some depression you could beat the crap out of too!!!
I'm really impressed how well you handle this! Most partners take it personally & thin they are at fault when thats not true! Depression has no rhyme or reason.
Take care of yourselves & each other! I will send you some healing energy from the woods when I get there.
I work really hard at not taking it personally, sometimes I feel like I am at fault or that I somehow caused the pain. I find myself insecure at times and feel like I have her trapped in our relationship and that is what causes her sadness. I have to check myself when I start to feel that way and reolize that my love is not a trap it is just an emotion, and if it was our relationship causing her pain she would have left already. It is a fine line though, I try to keep a handle on.
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