Sunday, June 1, 2008

Different Perspectives

One of the things that I love so much about blogging is the feedback. All that I am here, is an individual, like many others that are searching for some answers. We turn to the internet, we turn to other bloggers, we turn to eachother, and hope to make some sense out of this world, this life. I have spent the last three years living daily with Bipolar disorder. Day in and day out I have watched it eat away at my partner. It has ripped her from the life she had, has changed the way she thinks, reacts and carries out her days. The last post was not intended to simplify bipolar disorder down to the chemicals in our world. If you will, it was more a stab in the dark at a possible factor. I find myself on a constant mission to try and find possible solutions to HELP my partner's battle with this illness. It is an illness I feel helpless against.
greenishtinge said...
1. extreme moods have been documented since at least the time of Aristotle when the chemical lifestyle of today didn't exist. There are, throughout history, clusters of people who were considered bp or as having one type of mental afflication or another, hysteria, etc. I understand that you are weary of the rate at which people are being diagnosed with bp but as the DSM gradually includes more and more symptoms in its list of criteria more and more people are fitting the bill of being mentally ill. Also, be careful of your logic. Just because people eat more ice-cream in the summer and there are more drowning deaths in the summer doesn't mean that the increase in ice-cream consumption causes drowning.
2. Be careful. Sometimes people can take offense at their symptoms being whittled down to chemical products. They may feel that perhaps you are making their illness less legitimate. Remember that bp often runs in families and that many older generations, in spite of mental illness, did not believe or receive a diagnosis. If, for example, I was to take my own family history, there was a lot of mental illness types of incidents/behaviors but no one was ever diagnosed with anything, including my grandmother who attempted a murder/suicide and probably had what we would now call Aspergers syndrome. Just some of my thoughts.


I want to thank greenishtinge for her thoughts on this issue and for brining home how my words can trigger others that read them. I had not thought about the stigma associated with mental illness in the past, it is yet another lesson in the reliability of statistics. I hope that those who read my words on this site can keep in mind that I love my partner dearly and want to do whatever I can to help in anyway. I figured that eliminating some of the chemicals we are exposed to on a regular basis can't hurt. Which is why at the beginning of the last post I wrote that I didn't think it was advisable for anyone to read my words and decide to stop any medications. Even in talking about this more natural lifestyle with my partner I was sure to specify that she needed to remain on her medications. The trouth is I dont have any answers about this illness. I dont know what causes it and I dont know how to fix it. What I do know is the effects it has had on my partners life and the lives of those who love her. And all I want to do is help.
The conclusions I have come to in the past few years is that my partner finds peace in nature. Having a dog helps as well (he forces her off the couch and into the fresh air, wether or not she wants to). She does a little better when she eats properly and excercises regularily. Meditation is helpful, both with helping her sleep properly and with making her step out of the thinking planning mode that her mind loves and makes her live in the moment. I would do anything for my partner. I built her a meditaion room in our home so she would have a clean quiet area to practice her mediation. Its her space and her space alone. She can retreat to it whenever she wants or needs to. I try to get her out into nature as often as possible, even going as far as to look into a career change for me so we can move to a farm. I come home after working all day and make us dinner because I know she needs to eat and often does not unless I force her too. If I had the money I would move us into a cottage somewhere beautiful with trees and water and a lot of space for her to walk and hike. Just in the hope that a change in environment would ease the grip this illness has had on her life over the past few years. I hope anyone reading this blog will remember that anytihng I say or any ideas I have are all about trying to help my partner cope with this illness. I didnt think for one moment that changing to all natural cleaners and organic foods would cure her of this illness I just thought perhaps it would be helpful with some of her symptoms. Beyond that I do believe that it would be healthier overall to live a more natural lifestyle.
Thank you Greenishting for your thoughts and insites on what I had to say. It is nice to have other thoughs and perspectives on the ideas I have. Thank you as well for delivering those perspectives in the respectful manner in which you did. I appreciate that. I am not here to offend or diminish this illness or anyone suffering with it. I use this blog to document my thoughts and feelings on bipolar disorder and my partners battle with it. My love for her is pure and I strive to find ways to help, I dont think for one moment that I will cure anything. I am not a doctor nor do I have any solid science background, I just have love and respect. With that I arm myself and try to find ways to be helpful. I feel like it is not enough for me to be supportive and to be there for her both physically and emotionally, I feel like there has to be more I can do. Ways that I can change our environment to ease some of the symptoms she has, to try to create a space in which she can experience happiness and clarity. Alas I am helpless against this illness, perhaps one day I will accept that and just let what be, be what is.













3 comments:

thordora said...

You know, your partner sounds wonderfully lucky to have you....

I wonder a lot about how chemicals affect the the normal course of many disorders, or cause low level disorders to become full. There have always, and will always be crazies. I'm good with that. But it's like the theory of kindling (http://bipolar.about.com/cs/brainchemistry/a/0009_kindling1.htm)

Something that was already there just gets worse-for me, I think it was many factors that built upon each other.

Eating better, getting exercise, using meditation techniques, sleeping-all of these things can help. But they don't fix like lithium can. It's a ball of things that work together to help. It's never one thing.

It's funny though-I refuse to feel the stigma. I live myself out in the open as a bipolar person, because it feels like the right thing to do. We've been in the corner too long.

People like you making the effort to understand-that makes ALL the difference in the world.

Anonymous said...

Hi Photo Chiq,

Your partner IS very lucky to have someone who cares so deeply for her.

Has she also sought support and help with managing her illness? There are a couple of peer support groups that I belong to. They are:

moodgarden.org

and

theicarusproject.net

Moodgarden is a more gentle support environment and there are also supports for loved ones of those afflicted. Blogging is accessible to all members and peoples blogs are often interesting. It is a very supportive online community. In fact, there is a Toronto moodgarden meeting coming up this week!


The icarus project is about finding radical ways of dealing with our extreme states. It's approach is different from MG though. It might be a bit triggery for you or your partner but there are a lot of intelligent, creative people posting on the forum.

I hope you find this helpful. I also hope that your partner is doing well.

Take care.

photo_chiq said...

Thor
First thank you for dropping by and offering your thoughts. Second Lithium sent my partner nearly over the edge. She had some really bad reactions to it and almost found herself in the hospital. She is now on Lamotragine and doing much better with this new med. The stigma associated with mental illness is not what it used to be, they used to secretly cart you off to hospitals for what I see as risky treatments and your family would tell everyone you were away on vacation. Thank god the world changes and people evolve.

greenishting- Thanks again for stopping by as well. You really made me think. she is involved in support groups and councelling she is out about 3 times a week for different groups or appointments. She is doing so much better today than she was 3 years ago but still experiences some rapid cycling. Its a process, we have to be prepared for the good days and the bad. Overall they have been okay lately.