Triggers.

When my partner first began this journey through bipolar 3 years ago the term Trigger rairely came up in our household. We definately experienced triggers, howerver, did not recognize them as such. I thought of them as reactions. (You say or do this... this is how I react) in our home now we have plenty of discussions about triggers. We recognize them, analize them, discuss them all with the hopes of overcoming them. (you say or do this... I am triggered in this way... here is my reaction... how can we change this reaction knowing what the trigger was?) As they say knowledge is power. I think a lot of people use the idea that knowledge is power in terms of education and getting that high paying coorperate job. I see it as a tool to make coping in this world an easier feat. Knowing what your triggers are and tracing them back to a core belief has opened up windows for us. Both of us. Triggers are not something that mentally ill people experience they are experienced by everyone. Perhaps this should be a course in highschool. I think this knowledge can do the world such good. If I had, had this knowledge a decade ago I could have recognized triggers along the way. In the times in my adult life where I was triggered and just reacted blindly (without the knowledge that my reaction is based on a strong core belief about myself) I could have taken a step back and said to myself i am reacting this way because I was triggered by this belief.... Our new knowledge has opened up all kinds of windows and doors of communication. I now know more about my partner and she about me. I know things that trigger her and she knows things that trigger me and we can talk about them. Don't get me wrong we still trigger eachother, but now there is a better understanding of why we react in the ways we do and we can have a mature discussion about it without the fights.
Uncovering your core beliefs is a painful process, coming to the understanding of why you react to certain triggers and what is says about how you feel about yourself is no easy thing. However necessary.
For those who have to date been unaware of this process I will share what my partner has learned and passed the knowledge on to me.

Take a situation that has triggered you and break it down as such,
(example)
Situation:
Your inlaws came over and yelled at you because your house is a mess.

Thoughts:
How dare you come into my home and yell at me. Who do you think you are? etc...

Phycical reaction:
Heart races, face goes red, shaking, headache, etc...

Behaviour:
Start cleaning up, make up excuses for the current state of my home, appoligize, rationalize etc...

What is the core belief that makes this cycle happen:
The believe that other people are more important than you are.

What can be done differently in this situation:
We can understand that we dont have to have excuses. We can say that this is what it is and if they dont like what they see they dont have to stay. We can tell them to call before they come over and tell them today is not a good day for a visit. Etc...

I have learned that core beliefs create nasty cycles that can be worked on and changed. For me a big one is the idea that others needs and feelings are more important than mine, this makes me a yes girl. I have been known to put my needs on the back burner to take care of others needs and wants. All the while experiencing resentment. This knowledge has given me the strength to stop when someone asks me for something and think first, is saying yes to this going to interfear with my own needs and wants before I say yes to it. I am working on claiming back my own self worth. Its not easy its a process and takes a lot of practice, but the process is worth the outcome.

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