Regaining Trust

As we all know bipolar people in their illness have a knack for breaking the trust of their loved ones. For some it is the reckless spending of money, for others it is suicide attempts and for some it is sexual in nature or all of the above. Once that trust has been broken the question becomes what does one do with that information? How do you cope? How do you grieve? How do you regain that trust?
They are all good questions, questions to which I do not have the answers. All that I can say it is a process. One which if you choose to travel through and stand by your partners side as I have chosen you must stick your neck out and have faith that, that trust wont be broken again. As well you have to be prepared for the eventuallity that it may. An easy task?? I say nay. However a necessary one.
Why this issue? Why now? Because on the cusp of eliminating TC from our lives and recovering from infadelity with another woman my partner has developed a new friendship. We spent some time talking about the infedelity and TC the other night in relation to this new friendship and my partner has an understandable fear of getting close with people. Essentially she must now learn to trust herself. She must learn to trust that she is capable of having platonic relationships with people that are normal and healty. At the same time putting my own neck out there and putting faith in her ability to develop healthy relationships with people that will not threaten our relationship. Regardless of the trust that has been broken and still in the process of mending I have to throw caution to the wind and put my trust in her in order for her to put that trust back in herself.
So tonight my partner is at her new friends house drinking meditation tea and chatting and I have to trust that is what it really happening. Does the whole concept of what could happen upset me? Sure, but I am coming to reolize that it is my own imagination that is my worst enemy. I can sit here for the next few hours crying about the possibility or I can sit here thinking about how much faith I have in her. Her recovery is going well and she has worked tirelessly on herself, so at this point I have nothing to fear but the fear itself ( I know cleche but it works) So while she is out tonight I am going to complete this post, I am going to drink my hot chocolate and enjoy having the house to myself for a few hours and I am going to trust that this friendship is going to be a positive, healthy, platonic relationship. Because I love her and I value our relationship, there is no relationship without trust and trust we will regain and be stronger for it.

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